1. Practice the art of being mindful as often as you can. This means staying in the moment, and experiencing the emotion of the moment without having to make judgment about it. When you experience emotions in this way, you’ll realize that they all have lessons that they teach us. Too many of us spend our time trying to fight them off or run away from them.

2. Life is about perspective, and the struggle to maintain it on a daily basis. There will be times when your life seems blessed beyond compare. Conversely, there will be times when life brings you to your knees. The key is to hold on to the memories of the former when experiencing the ravages of the latter.

3. Never ask someone to do something you won’t do yourself. Great leaders understand this, and power-hungry mid-level managers don’t. Lead by example whenever possible.

4. Many of our difficulties in life are self-made. We put ourselves into situations (via our choices), and then complain about it. You always have options: options on what to focus on, options on what to feel, and options on what to do about things. If you find yourself consistently complaining about your lot in life, you’ve probably spent too much time getting in your own way.

5. You can’t walk around worrying about whether every word you speak or action you take is offending someone. Fact is, if you are active and engaged in life, you will probably offend someone at some time. Don’t spend time trying to figure out why, since there are a myriad of potential reasons why. Most of them have to do with others’ insecurities and issues, anyway.

Back to top

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone."

Jack Handey ("Deeper Thoughts")

When I was in graduate school, and was doing one of my unpaid practicums at Northern Illinois University’s Counseling Services, I had a conversation one afternoon with a wise colleague, an older gentleman who looked like Chester Cheetah but strutted like Miles Davis.

I was discussing with him how overwhelming training in therapy could be, considering the nature of the work we do and the trust that our clients so generously bestow upon us in regards to their life struggles. He told me something I’ll never forget, and that always rings true in my current work: My clients are my best teachers. They’ll let me know when I’m not on top of my game, when I am on top of my game, and when my jokes need to be updated. Well, he didn’t tell me that last part, though I have come to that conclusion. With that in mind, here are several of the most important lessons I’ve learned from sharing in the struggles of many wonderful and varied clients, of all ages and races and economic backgrounds.

1. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, or how much education you have. It doesn’t matter how smart you think you are, either. What matters is this: Can you add value to the lives of others?

2. The hardest part of clinical work is saying goodbye to someone you’ve helped to turn their life around. Nobody teaches you how you do this gracefully in graduate school.

3. A great lesson in life is that we all need to learn how to become our own parents, whereby we can self-monitor and regulate in response to life’s stressors.

4. The single greatest part of clinical work is the fact that sometimes I’m one of only a few people in the audience for these great one-person feats of bravery and courage that my clients are engaging in.

5. We are of no assistance to others when we fail to take care of our own issues.

6. There is great power in counting your blessings as a start to building a more confident life.

Back to top