1. When you know "what" you are about and want out of your life, the "how" will fall into place. Most people try it the other way around, and don't understand why they get frustrated.

2. Some time wasters that you can get a better hold of: Internet and email, phone calls, and conversations. Reduce time on the internet; assign morning and evening email response times, let every call go to voicemail and then return the calls when your schedule allows, and reduce unnecessary conversations. Your productivity will increase dramatically.

3. When tackling problems, begin with the simplest solutions first. You'll waste far less time. Don't assume brain surgery is needed when a simple aspirin might do the trick.

4. Have goals for most of your activities, as this will allow you to get more out of everything you do. You can do this with conversations, meetings, reading material, and most everything else.

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Three new titles I'm working through this coming month:

1. Gut Feelings: The Intelligence of the Unconscious, by Gerd Gigerenzer

2. Satchel, by Larry Tye

3. Who's Got Your Back? By Keith Ferrazzi

One of the peculiar aspects I've noticed about therapists, psychologists, and counselors in general is that many of us feel entirely uncomfortable expressing displeasure or anger. We know how to be supportive, but we don't equate giving our clients a well-timed kick in the pants as being helpful. Perhaps it's our training, since I don't recall taking any classes in graduate school on what to say when your clients are full of bologna, or when your clients are obviously hiding behind excuses. Or perhaps it's our nature.

I believe this issue pertains to most people, not just those in the helping professions. For some reason, we as a society are averse to being honest with those we care about, especially when we believe they may react poorly. Thus, we remain silent and say nothing, believing it better to avoid making waves. And life moves ahead.

I have a problem with this way of "doing business" with those we care about, and here's why: By not offering honest, genuine well-meaning opinions, we enable a victim mentality and helplessness in those we care about. The subtle meaning behind not giving honest feedback is that we don't think the other person can handle it. They'll get angry. Or defensive. And all will be lost.

If you think back to some of your greatest learning moments (or, as one of my late high school teachers referred to as "moments of transcendence"), I bet some of them started out as instances where someone you thought highly of gave you unsettling feedback. Personally, those I let closest to me are those that "give it to me straight." Sure it can hurt, but I'd prefer to know what my personal blind spots are prior to unleashing myself on the public. The hurt, much like a bruise, goes away with time. The growth doesn't.

It's with that in mind-the concept of Relationships-that I adjust my style professionally. At times, the greatest value I can provide to clients is to tell them what nobody else in their life is willing to tell them, and in a manner that nobody else is willing to pursue. In your life, evaluate both your ability to receive feedback and to give genuine opinions to those you care about. You'll grow tremendously, and your friends and colleagues will thank you.

It just might take a while for them to adjust.

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