Personal Bests Newsletter April, 2006
Techniques For Living An Effective Life
A free e-newsletter provided to you by Personal Best Consulting and Leif H. Smith, Psy.D.

This issue is made up of the following sections:

  1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
  2. Questions for Growth
  3. Reality Check - Relationship Building

  1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
    1. If you haven't annoyed someone important or been an agent of irritation in some bold manner lately then you haven't been living. Life is not about staying with the status quo; it is about being bold and innovative. Some people just might not be ready for that yet.

    2. If you want someone to do something for you (as a coach, manager, leader), get them emotional about it. Contrary to popular thought, logic hasn't moved anyone to do anything of substance in history. Thus, in your own life and in the lives of those you influence, use the power of emotion (fear, pain, love, etc) to propel yourself towards taking action for a better course in your life or in the lives of those around you.

    3. Never argue with someone who can't help your situation. Be a pragmatic complainer. Wasting your time and energy (and breath) on someone who can't remedy the situation is akin to yelling at the rain. Being pragmatic means finding the person in charge of the sprinkler system and asking them to turn it off.

    4. Want to build integrity in all your important relationships? Give people honest feedback when solicited. It may not always be what they want to hear, but it goes a long way towards building trust in those around you.

    5. Want to become more productive? Get up an hour earlier. Over the course of a year, getting up an hour earlier will add fifteen entire days to your schedule. Imagine how much more you can get down with fifteen extra days.

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  2. Questions for Growth
    1. What is the single largest self created obstacle in your life?

    2. How challenged do you feel in every important area of your life (family, work, spirituality, etc)? Challenges force us to continue to grow and to learn. Which area can benefit the most from an added push?

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  3. Reality Check - Relationship Building
  4. Since when did relationships become so difficult? In my daily work, I come across relationship problems in every aspect of what I do. As a society, we just don't know how to have good relationships, with evidence on a scale as small as a 50% divorce rate to one as large as an inability to establish productive international relations. But why?

    One reason could be the fact that today's society is a "me first" society, which by definition is incompatible with the "us first" mentality needed for strong relationships. Strong relationships are defined by:

    • accurate and genuine empathy seeking to truly understand the other person's point of view and see the world through their eyes
    • attention to details making the extra effort, remembering details, etc
    • follow through doing what you say you'll do, as well as doing what is proper in the relationship
    • balance in giving and taking learning to listen before talking, think before acting, etc
    • honesty saying what you really feel as opposed to what others' want to hear
    • loyalty behaving in a way that lets the other person know that they are a priority to you
    • dedication to the relationship first and personal needs second

    Strong relationships are defined by mutual growth, not parasitic decline. They are full of energy, humor, and continual learning.

    Are you able to build strong relationships in your personal life? In your work? If not, I can guess that you are not as happy as you would like to be, not as content as you could be. The starting point is with making the choice to become a person that others would want to know. Begin with a brief self assessment: Are you a person you would want as a friend? Are you able to make the sacrifices needed to build strong relationships? If not, start today. Relationships are the single most important aspect of our crazy little world. They serve to buffer us when adversity strikes, elevate us in times of prosperity, and keep our heads just the right size to make it through most doorways.

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