Personal Bests Newsletter September, 2005
Techniques For Living An Effective Life
A free e-newsletter provided to you by Personal Best Consulting and Leif H. Smith, Psy.D.

This issue is made up of the following sections:

  1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
  2. Questions for Growth
  3. Reality Check

  1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
    1. Want to perform better under pressure? Focus on the task(s) at hand (the job to be done) rather than the emotion (your evaluation of the situation) of the moment. This is easier said than done, but the formula will always work. The military understands this, and trains soldiers to complete their tasks, downplaying emotional involvement in the matter (which is why you hear soldiers speak of engaging the "enemy" and identifying "targets," etc). I personally used this principle just this morning, when my wife asked me to make a bottle for my screaming eight month old son Gable. The wail of a desperately hungry infant son is entirely uncomfortable, perhaps due to evolutionary genetics (babies cry, their parents respond). I realized my discomfort as I fumbled for a bottle and the can of powdered soy formula. Gathering myself amid the increasing bellows of my youngest spawn, I focused on the task before me (get the formula, count three scoops, add two tablespoons of rice cereal for flavor, shake, etc) in order to make a quick and tasty bottle. I completed the bottle in about fifteen seconds, a temporarily unemotional father, and handed over the meal to my wife, who quickly quieted Gable. Whether your task is large or small, break it down into manageable steps, and forget about the emotion ("My God, Gable's crying will wake the neighbors!") of the task. You'll increase your task effectiveness by at least fifty percent.

    2. Remember that most anger is unwarranted (not situationally correct) and based on inaccurate, personalized interpretations of neutral situations. People that walk around angry all the time are usually highly sensitive to perceived slights. They are unhappy with themselves in some manner, and this unhappiness and frustration comes out in their interactions with others. I have yet to meet someone who is content with their character and values, etc, that struck me as being an angry person, behaviorally-speaking.

    3. Remember that playing hard (in response to working hard) is an essential piece of the life puzzle. Pursue your hobbies with veritable glee. Plan lazy Sunday afternoons on the couch. Put time on your schedule to visit a local bookstore, grab an ice cream, do some non-essential yardwork. Playing hard allows us to recharge, to take our minds off of the seriousness of the day. Nothing should be that serious, right?

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  2. Questions for Growth
    1. How many close friends have you had contact with in the past month?

    2. If you had to quantify your success in every area of your life (health, family, relationships, career, hobbies, etc) on a scale from -10 to +10, with -10 being awful and +10 being perfection, where would your scores fall?

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  3. Reality Check
  4. The September Reality Check deals with priorities. If there is one area that most of us need a check-up in, it is in this area. My contention is that the quality of our lives is always in direct proportion to our ranking of life priorities. Every day I come across intelligent, well-meaning people who struggle with not getting what they most want out of life. What they have a hard time understanding is that success in any area of life is processional. It really is a anticlimactic phenomenon, whereby a simple set of daily habits lead to better long-term results.

    Society as a whole has some strange priorities. Which profession is paid according to their TRUE worth: A high school teacher or a lawyer? A handful of professional baseball players make upwards of ten to twenty five million dollars per year to play a child's game. I saw a ten year old Ford Escort with neon running boards and modified everything pull up to a light and then stall the other day. Classic. Fifty percent of our marriages end up in divorce. The list could go on, but I hope you get my point: All these realities resulted from prioritizing of values. But yet we gripe about these very values that we subscribe to as a society, because they wouldnt exist if they werent reinforced on a continual basis.

    In your life, what do you prioritize? Which comes first, health or finances? Spirituality or career? Relationships or material possessions? Im guessing that your priorities need to be consciously evaluated (a good place to start is by reading Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Successful People) and rearranged. Just as in the strategy work I do with corporations, planning (or, the tactics by which we attain our goals) always follows strategy and corporate vision, not the other way around. In your life, results will follow your priorities. If you make relationships high on the list, you will reap the benefits behaviorally. If you place a premium on health, or spirituality, or career, likewise. These decisions have consequences. Thus, if you are currently unhappy with any area of your life, look within. Im betting that the results sitting before you are a logical consequence to how you initially prioritized your life. You have nobody to blame but yourself.

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