This issue is made up of the following sections:

1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
2. Questions for Growth
3. Reality Check

1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
1. When evaluating any uncomfortable or conflict-related interactions with others, ask yourself the following question: "How much of this is because of MY issues?" You'll quickly uncover perspective that will lead to solutions. If the answer is very little, you can rest assured that it is the personal issues of the other person that brought about the conflict. Go on about your day. If the answer points to your unresolved issues, get to work on that issue so that you won't waste time repeating that interaction with others in the future.

2. Remember that life is about progress, not perfection. Kick to the curb that irrational voice in your head that can't deal with your triumphs and personal success. If you can't eliminate it (sometimes that voice merely becomes "louder!"), at least ignore it. Demanding perfection of yourself results in chronic, nagging anxiety, as you will consistently fall short of expectations. I realized long ago that I make mistakes, and that I learn things the hard way, and that I will fail as often as I succeed. I feel better as a result of this knowledge; It gives me room to be me.

3. Want a quick way to judge the influence of others in your life? Ask yourself if the people in your immediate circle of friends add value to your life in some form. If the answer is no, move on without them. It sounds harsh, but a strong support network is crucial to your personal success. You will need assistance from these people in some form, some manner along the way. Keeping people "along for the ride" that add nothing to your life will serve only to sadden and frustrate you.

4. Efficiency is usually defined as the art of getting things done. Effectiveness, on the other hand, can be defined as getting the right things done. Don't waste time and energy without proper outcome. Doing things (to-do lists, calls, emails, etc) merely to get things done is akin to spending an afternoon making a meat sculpture in your backyard. It might be impressive (or spooky, depending on who your neighbors are), but will it be useful and helpful? Be effective, not efficient.

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2. Questions for Growth
1. How many people of value do you have in your immediate circle of friends?

2. When was the last time you intentionally reconnected with someone with whom you'd lost contact?

3. If your life was a book, what would the title of the current chapter (the one you are living now) be?

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3. Reality Check

This month's Reality Check is about the human tendency to take ourselves too seriously. I bet that I come across at least one or two people each day that have an inflated sense of their contributions to society. These people usually stick out in a crowd, as they love to talk about themselves. They also put too much emphasis on education levels, job titles, income, etc. One of my all-time favorites is a colleague who refers to himself in the third person as Doctor Stan. In past issues, I've also discussed my quirky neighbor-the one who HAS to wash his car and mow his lawn at least twice each per week. Another classic is the local academic professional who sent me an unsolicited invitation (as an attachment to his email, nonetheless!) to his "sport psychology seminar" on how to work with collegiate and professional athletes (something I do on a daily basis) and requested a seminar fee of sixty dollars (which was so low a fee for a three hour seminar that I felt sorry for him). When I responded with feedback, he bristled, asking me where I "got off" giving him feedback when I was only a "consultant" and he was a tenured professor.

One of the problems with taking ourselves too seriously is that we lose our connection with humanity. We become about ourselves rather than about what we can give to others. We become so caught up in defending our inflated importance that every conversation becomes a battle. Over time, this leads not only to interpersonal isolation, but paranoia, loneliness, depression, and a host of other "problems."

In other words, lighten up! We are neither as important nor as unimportant as we make ourselves out to be in our own minds. Somewhere in the middle is the truth, and much of life is lived in the gray area, not the black and white. Learn to laugh at yourself and your own unique strangeness. You'll find that you won't fit in with others as much, but you will be delighted to finally be in the company of people who can relax and laugh at themselves, readily and often.

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