This issue is made up of the following sections:

1. Personal Effectiveness Tips
2. Questions for Growth
3. Reality Check

1. Personal Effectiveness Tips

An array of tips to improve your quality of life in October:

1. Use dreams as tools for growth. I'm talking actual dreams here (those nocturnal mental escapades). Most current dream theories center on the hypothesis that dreams are merely our mind's way of gathering all the data of our everyday lives and making sense of it. Thus, those unfinished tidbits of cognition that collect in our brains on a daily basis (brief thoughts about a long lost love, interrupted conversations about the latest scary movie in theaters, worries about getting deadly diseases that result from watching Oprah's show on dust mites, etc...) are thrown together to form a storyline. Keep a pad of paper and a pen bedside, and get down as much of the dream as you can remember (without editing or omitting). After doing this several different times, you will be able to deduce themes and anxieties that may need to be addressed in your daily life.

2. Make conscious and deliberate choices about whom you spend your time with. Most people choose their friends and acquaintances much like the starving bear lumbering through the shallow river, desperately waiting for salmon to return home. They take whatever is near, whatever is convenient. Don't be a bear. Choose, and be deliberate. That old saying, “You are the company you keep”, is partly true. I would venture to say, “You are highly influenced by the company you keep.” Better to have two close and trustworthy friends in whom to confide than fifty acquaintances in whom you may not.

3. Seek to find out how brave you are after all. Run towards your fears, face your anxieties and chronic neuroses. I bought a book yesterday titled “Accidental Courage” by Joe Kita. The book is about a regular Joe (literally!) who decides to combat his chronic sense of fear in his life. He sets about completing twelve tasks in one year, with each task being something that brings out his worst fears (chasing tornados, performing stand-up comedy live, staying a night in a solitary confinement prison cell at an abandoned prison, flying an airplane, and my favorite, serving as a target for an aged knife-thrower). Courage is taking action in spite of self-doubt and fear. I'm certain that our lives are much better lived facing down fears rather than running away from them. Start today to live more courageously. You might be surprised at how brave you are after all.

4. Be an informed consumer and life participant. Too often we readily accept all that we hear as truth, without first considering both the source of the information as well as the content We also fail to ask the right questions-the very ones that will lead us to a better understanding of the world around us. Take the saying, “He wants to have his cake and eat it too”. I am amazed that more people don't find this to be a ridiculous and overused cliche. We CAN have our cake and eat it, by definition. We CANNOT eat our cake and STILL have it, however. Yet this saying, wrong as can be and rather silly, continues unabated. Think for yourself, ask better questions, challenge the status quo. This is particularly important in this election year, where political “spin” may influence voter decisions, right or wrong.

5. Tend to your friendships and love relationships as you would a garden. Most people assume friendship and love to be self-maintaining organisms, able to weather any conditions, regardless of care given. These relationships are, in fact, able to tolerate many conditions; however, they always need attention. Weeds need to be pulled and the relationship needs to be nurtured. Tend to your friendships and love matters on a weekly basis, and seek both growth and challenge from those in whom you trust your frailties and humanity. Hang out, chat on the phone, send emails. Lack of time is never an excuse, only a weak and overused rationalization.

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2. Questions for Growth
1. Name one chronic fear that infiltrates your daily living. What would happen if you decided to finally face down this fear, once and for all?

2. When was the last time you took a chance to deliberately improve your most significant relationship?

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3. Reality Check

October's Reality Check centers on the concept of becoming more open to life's gifts to us, big and small. I find myself becoming increasingly surprised at how cynical we are becoming as a population. Just the other day I was in contact with a prominent local non-profit, informing them that I wanted to provide them with pro-bono services, in whatever capacity them deemed most helpful. The contact on the other end was terse and suspicious, informing me that they would not have time for a consultant in the next six months. When I reiterated the fact that I would be providing services free of charge, she remarked, “Surely you expect to be paid in the future, right!” After being informed (again) that she would contact me if she needed my help (code for “beat it”) I hung up the phone, both confused by the tone of the conversation and surprised at the amount of cynicism from the other end of the line. Even more strange was that this seems to be a common occurrence, not only in my consulting practice, but in my colleagues' practices as well. I have more difficulty finding pro-bono work (and encounter many more obstacles to providing my free services) than I do paid work. What a strange world we live in.

Good things do happen, and occasionally, without reason. We find a twenty dollar bill on the street. A meal is provided with compliments. Someone thinks we are beautiful. If we are to live a better, more balanced life, we need to be able to accept both the bad and the good in life. As ridiculous as this may sound to some (“Of course I'd be able to accept good things!” is usually followed by “But they just don't happen to me!”), I believe we as a population are much more cynical than ever before. Perhaps this is the product of last three years spent at war with terrorism and fear. Whatever the case, viewing life through bifocals of cynicism and pessimism is not the answer. Life's blessings, in my opinion, are all around us, and they come to us in both a minute and obvious manner. Open your mind to these blessings, and try not to smirk the next time you receive good fortune. The end result of banishing cynicism in your life is increased joy and satisfaction. The “good stuff” is there, you just have to notice it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find another charity to do pro-bono work for.

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