All humans, at our very core, have a deep desire to live a life that matters. We all have a need to be significant, and to matter to others in our lives. One way to analyze our own lives involves pausing for a moment (something that we have a difficult time doing in this age of cell phones, pagers, and instant messaging!) to evaluate our most important life choices. After all, as creatures of habit, these choices are seldom random and always important with regards to the value they bring into our lives.

One important choice that we make involves the career paths we choose. No matter what path we ultimately choose as our occupation (or avocation, if you will), ultimately the decision behind this choice can be traced back to our need to feel significant. In the end, the choice of career is less important than the reason behind it. Many of us choose careers based on pressing, basic needs (such as need for income) and come to realize years later that the choice of career did not fulfill our most basic need. Monetary compensation cannot buy the happiness that we seek, and we learn this lesson the hard way. As a result, we may resign ourselves to what Thoreau described as "lives of quiet desperation", settling for a life that fills us not with satisfaction and serenity, but with anxiety and regret. Though outwardly we may appear to be successful, complete with the material trappings and degrees or designations that make us stand out, inwardly we understand that our true self cannot be lied to or "tricked". We must face that person in the mirror every morning.

Another important choice in our lives involves the choices we make in our significant relationships. The choices we make in our relationships with our friends, family, lovers/partners, colleagues, and clients on a daily basis lead to either an increase or a decrease in the quality of our lives. For example, one of the hallmark indicators of depression is the withdrawal from one's social support system. I have yet to come across a client suffering from depression that also had a thriving and communicative social network. The people with whom we surround ourselves influence us, hopefully for the better. However, in the absence of conscious and deliberate choice in this area, we allow ourselves to settle for less than we deserve. Settling for a romantic relationship that is devoid of passion, warmth and laughter is both unnecessary and harmful to both people involved. Settling for friends that do not push us to grow, or that do not reciprocate our caring, leads only to sadness and isolation. Giving less than your best in your relationship with your clients, customers, and assistants cheats not only them but you. When we can learn to give our best in our relationships, we in turn receive the best from those we interact with.

The big picture, then, is this: When all is said and done, the person that you face in the mirror every day will not lie to you. Mirrors are wonderful therapeutic tools in this regard. You cannot ultimately deny that which is right in front of you. Some of us are good at delaying acceptance of the realities that we have constructed, but in the end, time always prevails. So-if that person in the mirror is filled with quiet desperation, begin to make changes that will cause you to become more congruent with living a life filled with passion and fulfillment. Evaluate your choices in the two important categories discussed previously-career and relationships. Are you making choices and daily decisions that lead you closer to leading a life that matters? Are you working in a career that brings you unadulterated joy? Are you communicating your true feelings effectively to those you interact with? Are you allowing yourself to be surrounded by people that do not encourage and support you? Does your partner know how you truly feel about him/her? Do your employees know you care? Do your athletes or team members understand you? If the answers to these questions are no, look to make small changes to improve the quality of your life. Consistent action towards improved quality in your career and relationships will lead to dramatic and lasting changes, and you will begin to lead a life that is more congruent with your true inner values- a life that truly contributes, a life that is remembered.